What's going on?

so 25 more days until i move once again. 25 more days until i can walk around naked and not worry who is home. 25 more days until i can decorate, and make everything unique to us. 25 more days until i have "the last roommate i will ever have." 25 more days until i can be sure you are coming home to be in my arms tonight. 25 more days until you and i. 25 more days until we take one more big step. ready or not here i come.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: postal service

he is coming back into my life. i think it will be good. we both grew up and put what we went through behind us. he hurt me- but i hurt him... and it didnt help by leading him on with a thin string. he was the best friend i ever had- better than any other friend. we spent everyday together, and i loved being loved by him. i loved knowing that i was his best friend. god the things we use to do- unbelievable. i have realized how much i miss him. i get teary eyed just thinking of the fun we use to have. i never thought i would feel this way again. but im glad we are getting to know each other again.

Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: death cab

Tuesday 5:15 pm Oct. 4th.I receieve a phone call.
Sister : "Drop everything and come over to moms!"
Me: "Why? whats going on?"
Sister: "Something has happened to Larry (my moms new husband/lifelong friend)"
Me: "Is it something medical or upsetting?"
Sister: "I can't say it on the phone."
Me : "Who is over there?"
Sister: "Me, Jeremiah (brother), mom and Madonna (Larry's mom)."
As i pull up there i notice there are so many cars and people, so i think that maybe Larry and my mom got in a fight and locked each other out... because Adri didn't say it was a medical thing.
I meet my sister half way and ask her what is going on.
Sister: "Larry passed away."
Me: "Shut the fuck up!...Shut the fuck up!... how?
Sister: "He was riding his motorcycle and he pulled off to the said of the road and had a heart attack."

Today... Wednesday Oct. 5th.
We all went to the tow yard to pick up his bike, my brother rode it home cussing at larry the whole way, wondering why he left. My mom and i sat in the truck with tear streaked faces... her worst than mine.
Next we went to the morgue. Talked about all the dates and financial stuff. The rest of the day we sat in a house filled with pictures of him. My mom is so incredibly heart and soul broken.

Tomorrow Thursday Oct 6th.
I go with my mom to give the morgue the clothes he will ware during the viewing on Friday.

A man who loved life and my mother. He appreciated every blue sky, because he hoped he could get a bike ride in. A man that didn't care what people thought about him, he would walk out in his undies and smoke a cigarette by the camp fire. A man who loved my moms home cookin'. A devoted friend, respectable son, amazing companion, and a wonderful person.

He died of heart disease and a heart attack... had he not been a heavy smoker he may have survived or never have died that way.
Pray for my family.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: death cab for cutie

i got out of class almost an hour early.... so here i am. well anyways school is going good relationship good apartment good.... jessica and i had a good talk last night something i needed. ahh im refreshed. its about time. im sitting next to meghand ahhh thats refreshing

Current Mood: content
Current Music: library

the day wasn't too bad but as soon as i went to softball practice.... oh boy. some random guy is now an assistant coach wtf? all he does is yell and bring me down i cant even go into detail because it gives me a headache. at one point i was so pisssed i was ready to walk off the field and say fuck it. the nerve that guy had... everytime hed shout something i had the urge to cry... it was ridiculous. never in my life have i felt as low and chewed up as i did that night. i was talking to my dad about it after wards and started to break down... so many things just came crashing down on me. finally i went home and met up with matt, only for him to change plans (which is my biggest pet peeve) and leave 45 minutes early for practice. Well since it was already 9:30 and he planned to leave at 10:30 he would be leaving in 15 minutes. What a fabulous night to do that. not only did i have what i thought could be the worst night it sunk to an all time low... then we start arguing im was pissed because i obivously had a bad night and he cant stay with me to comfort me because he wants an extra hour of sleep... so all in all it ended with me in the locked bathroom crying my eyes out, taking a hot shower and crying much more after that...not to mention the car accident complicating everything in my life.. what more? mise well bring it on now and tare me into shreds while the pieces are still tare-able... yippy yaya for school tomorrow..

Current Mood: depressed

MATT AND I GOT A KITTEN! It is a girl and her name is smudge, she is calico! I love her and i love him! school is awesome im meeting some cool people. Birthday was fun i love board games!

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: kelly clarkson

First thing is first... i went to school today and it was enlightening , if you will! Not too bad, i'm caught up on my homework and everything works.
On the drive home, however, on the freeway some rock comes up out of no where and shatters my back passenger side window... i was just thankful that it didnt harm my front window... or any other window!
Went to my night class tonight... i loved it i cant wait for my career!!

MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW.... THE BIG 19

Current Mood: bouncy

My classes should be pretty easy this semester. My first speech is tomorrow.. piece of cake! Books are so expensive!!

I'm at my moms doing wash haha i love getting to do my wash for free...

well i better do some homework

Current Mood: chipper

School starts in five days. Days will become filled with school, work and homework... hell.
I can't wait for my career to start, until then...ahhhh
Monday/ Wednesday 8:00 -9:15 Comm
9:30 -10:45 English
11:00 -1:15 Spanish
3:00 -6:30 Work

Wednesday Night 6:30 - 10:20 P.E in the elementry school !!!

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: some ghetto music coming from outside!

I have seen the error of my ways. I'll write the story so I have a constant reminder of the realization.

Seven hours of sitting, driving, shopping, listening. I was exhausted. Then off to a restaurant for a birthday- a restaurant I couldn't eat at. You wanted to go out, but all the equipment was in my car. I didn't want to drive to his house (because i like making things difficult) So you decided you wouldn't go out. ok. I went to his house anyway, under the assumption of being home relatively early, because i had work at 7:00 am. We chit-chatted for what seemed like forever but was only an hour and a half. Last minute decision: you were going out. I had to drive home by myself late at night after all that! INCONSIDERATION. Screw you! is what I thought. I was so determined to stay mad at you for the rest of the night and the next morning. I was sure I would be tired in the morning. But I woke up before my alarm with a lot of energy... couldn't be mad at you for that. Well because I woke up so late I didn't have time to eat, so i would blame that on you. But I wasn't hungry. I thought for sure i would be drained at work so i wouldn't have any fun with the kids, your fault of course. But i had a lot of fun and i would get off early. And your sweet text messages didn't help. About three fourths through my day, after working with Shay- a little girl with mental and physical disabilities, i realized something. I was playing ball with her and she would get so excited to lift the ball and throw it, she couldn't even walk, but a huge smile came a crossed her face just to throw a ball. I realized i shouldn't try to make the worst out of my day... i should be grateful at the fact that i can walk normally and talk, not worry about last night. Forgive and forget. Thank you Shay... it has taken me a long time for that lesson to sit well with me.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: garden state sound track

i didn't mean to seem them- i wasn't looking for them. but im glad i found them... in a strange way. letters of past lovers. they made me realize what kind of wonderful, talented and amazing person i have holding my hand everyday. it was weird reading what other people thought about him, because i think most of the same things, except im not going to be stupid and let him go. everything happens for a reason. the only thing i don't quite understand is why he still has them... practically out in the open. for me to find? for him to read? for him to compare? who knows. i mean i might still have some of my old boyfriends letters, but i don't pay much attention to them. it's kinda like wanting to meet up with a past lover... perhaps for coffee, and see if they can manage friendship. why have the desire for them in your life? move on right? i always move on... maybe im heartless.

Current Mood: grateful
Current Music: sigur-ros

I love that show! It is the most pathetic staged show a.k.a hilarious!

I have been working a lot seven days straight of costco... it is getting better and more fun. But waking up at 6:15am to be at my first job by 7:00 and then costco at sucks!! Enough complaining for me...
STREET SCENE!!! I'm excited. This will be my first street scene experience.
I registered for classes COMM 122...ENGLISH 124...SPANISH AND P.E. in the elementary school (wednesday nights 6:30 to 10:20) :( Thanks for joining me Jess :)


"Let me be the one to take care of you, I know no one else can do it as good as I can."
I wouldn't dream of letting anyone else...

Please don't ever give up on me. I love you.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: atlas of id

the days go by so fast. enjoyable and fast. Jessica and i are loving the apartment. the only stress factor is school. I don't know my work schedule so im unsure of my school schedule. that will work itself im sure. as for matt and i... fabulous. not one thing to complain about... thats unusual for me as far as relationships go. so far so good
Last night i had my dad over for spaghetti dinner! and the night before jes and i made a chocolate cake did wash and heard\ saw our ex- boyfriends that was interesting.
I cant wait for the rest of my life... because of you

Current Mood: calm

so we are pretty much moved in...and it is awesome. My room is coming together and our living room is working out and we have food! We just need a few more things...
Today i went to work ...which was fun, then i went to costco and printed some pictures... then i went to some thrift stores, didn't have much luck there, so i went to the mall. I ended up buying 2 shirts and an awesome breakfast club poster!
My mom and i are having a fun night tonight. basically im taking her to dinner and maybe a movie... we have been growing apart, but i think it is mostly the shock of me actually moving out.
Matt's show was so awesome, it is amazing that they can create such intense music. my cousin went to the show, so did my dad:)
cousin: "I can't believe people wrote that when they weren't high... I can't believe I'm feeling this way and I'm not high."
So im excited to be going to the mars volta and system of a down concert..;) im glad i forced it out of you!!

Current Mood: content
Current Music: the mars volta

so we are pretty much moved in...and it is awesome. My room is coming together and our living room is worjing out and we have food! We just need a few more things...
Today i went to work ...which was fun, then i went to costco and printed some pictures... then i went to some thirft stores, didn't have much luck there, so i went to the mall. I ended up buying 2 shirts and an awesome breakfast club poster!
My mom and i are having a fun night tonight. basically im taking her to dinner and maybe a movie... we have been growing apart, but i think it is mostly the shock of me actually moving out.
Matt's show was so awesome, it is amazing that they can create such intense music. my cousin went to the show, so did my dad:)
cousin: "I can't believe people wrote that when they weren't high... I can't believe I'm feeling this way and I'm not high."
So im excited to be going to the mars volta and system of a down concert..;) im glad i forced it out of you!!

Current Mood: content
Current Music: the mars volta

wow everything is awesome! Jessica and I are working everything out for the apartment... it is really close to the moving day...

Just a lay-out
9:00 am--- my mom and jess bros move the couch and chair
10:00 am-- meeting with the apartment lady
11:00-1:00- phone guy is coming
meanwhile...
11:00- 1:00-- mom, jess bros, and me move my dresser, 2 tables, chair... boxes
2:00 pm-- move anything extra
3:00 pmish-- shower and get ready for work
5:00-10:00 pm-- work

what a glorious day it will be!!!

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: atlas of id

It is amazing how life can do a complete 360. I am writing a story of lives, because it is the most awesome occurrence that has happened to me. I love loving you. Even the smallest things mean the world to me, as long as you have something to do with them. Everything happens for a reason... that statement holds so much truth right now... it is incredible, you're incredible.
"I just know we are going to be together for a long time."
"If you can be together with her for 3 years and she treated you like crap then..."
"...then i can be with you for at least 26 years!"
Mocha eyes with hidden gems... the best brown eyes i have ever seen!!! :)

Current Mood: content

Soooo... my first entry NO BIG DEAL... thanks to Matt my site rocks. I had a xanga, but i decide to try out this whole live journal business. Just a little update... TJ (Traci and Jessicas apartment) is in 10 days... read it and weep.
Life is freakin' awesome. Jess lives with the boys, I'm there all the time... amazing people. I now work at costco and at the school district... and even that is working out for me! I have never smiled and laughed so much in my life, it's like there is never a dull moment... i feel so fulfilled, like my life is just beginning. Moving out is a huge step for me and I'm so excited to take it!!
Matt is by far the coolest guy ever. He is so beautiful inside and out. I never would have thought he was this cool in high school, i always had a crush on "matt lopez"... but i didn't know too much about him... I'm glad that he changed for the better and we met when we did... everything happens for a reason right?

Current Mood: cheerful